I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
