Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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