dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
