I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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