I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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