okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
