The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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