you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
