proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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