Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
