checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
