I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
