My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
