I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
did you just send me my own nude
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
