i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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