Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
