The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
