just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
