You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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