Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
