i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
