What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
PANTIES FOUND
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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