Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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