Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
