my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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