Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
