My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
