omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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