you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
