pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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