Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
