There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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