if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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