She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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