do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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