Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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