I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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