Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm having to shit out rocks
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
