there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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