I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
