i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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