Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
