She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
