I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
