just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
