So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
