Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
