the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
