Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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