Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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