pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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