I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
