Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
