Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
