Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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