I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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