Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
