I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The uberlube is also flammable
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
