We won't sleep together?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
