i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
