im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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