This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
