I'm jealous of your bromance
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
