hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
