i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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