i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
