Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Houston, we have a squirter
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
